Red Eye: Bieber Go Home

When I first joined Twitter, I followed some people I now would categorize as “cringe worthy.” One of them, a fairly well known musician from the East Coast, started a #HausOfBieber hash tag where she often dissed the Canadian teenage phenom, using his Twitter nick so he’d be sure to notice. Of course, she also trashed Lady Gaga … until she met her.

Well, this pissed me off. At the time, Bieber had just turned 15, and I thought it was kind of mean for a grown woman to so publicly pick on a teenage boy. And it was. Then, I heard Bieber speak, which made it worse.

The truth is, when I think “Bieber,” the 1976 Olympic Games spring to mind. Not just because the Summer games were held in Bieber’s home country of Canada, but because he has the physique of a young Nadia Comǎneci.

I remember Nadia fondly. I even learned to play “Nadia’s Theme” (which was really just the theme from “The Young and the Restless”) on the piano.

But, this time, Bieber has gone too far. And no fond remembrance of Romanian gymnasts will hold me back.

When he was interviewed on New Zealand television, I found his ignorance of the word “German” disturbing. In his recent interview for Rolling Stone, the forever prepubescent, warbly, Helen-Reddy-haired pixie from North of the border called the US evil.

Yes, evil.

Thankfully, there is “Red Eye” and Greg Gutfeld to relay stories like this. Otherwise, who would suspect people actually read RS, as opposed to simply using it as a last resort when all the blunt wraps are gone.

As Gutfeld reported, Bieber used the epithet when talking about our health care system. Little Justine is under the impression that Canada is the world’s best country because there anyone can go to the doctor for free. Wheeeee!

Apparently, Bieber went on to relate the sad story of his bodyguard, who had problems paying medical bills when his child was born, as his health care didn’t cover the costs. Or something. Who can be bothered to pay attention when Satan’s Metrosexual Imp is on my TV?

Excuse me while I point out the obvious, Justin. The US doesn’t employ your bodyguard. You do. Thus, you are probably the one who chose his crappy health care. Ergo…. evil, by your own words.

Lauren Sivan tried to stick up for the Candian crooner

“I have to say I believed the same thing when I was 16. We all say these things when we’re young… and then reality sets in.”

But it looked like she was having problems believing what she was saying.I’m not calling Sivan disingenuous. I’m calling her kind.

Everyone else let the youngster have it.

Paul Mecurio stated

“It’s like a Lego person come to life. He’s not even a real human being.”

And Kevin Williamson

“Who cares what he thinks? He’s a child. It’s the bottom of the learning curve.”

Finally, Gutfeld brought the real point home

“He said “The US is evil.” You don’t say that to your number one cash cow.”

As one might suspect, people who come to this country and then constantly complain about it are my least favorite people ever. Especially if they’re British. And even more especially if they’re Canadian.

I grew up spitting distance from the US-Canadian border. My small, sleepy town was regularly inundated by Canadians who vacationed in the US, shopped in the US, disposed of their garbage on US highways, and did nothing but talk about how America sucked the whole time they were here.

I listened to Canadian friends list all the people who were popular in American culture and were of Canadian origin, like that said something good about Canada. To me, it said: in order to be a successful Canadian entertainer, you have to leave the country.

Bieber, who was discovered on YouTube … by Americans. Bieber, who was given recording contracts on American labels. Bieber, who would be nothing without the free market that still thrives in … America. This Justin Bieber thinks the US is evil. While being entirely a product of US-based business.

Dear Justin: our borders are porous. You are free to slither back to your homeland whenever you’d like. I know you’re not quite 17 (I checked Wikipedia and cross-referenced with Kevin Eder’s Facebook Calendar), but you’re obviously adult enough to make sweeping statements about a great country from which you have taken much and given nothing.

I hope we don’t see you for a couple of decades, upon which you’ll need to return to get your heart valves replaced after years of teenage-angst-induced drug problems. See, you won’t be able to do that in the “greatest country on earth,” thanks to your crappy, insolvent health care system. Instead, you’ll come crawling back to the greatest country in the Universe, where free market capitalism not only funds your bubblegum pop, but will replace your tiny, coal-filled heart.

Have a nice day.

Douche.

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“Red Eye” air date – February 17, 2011. Guests: Lauren Sivan, Paul Mecurio and Kevin Williamson. Cast: Host – Greg Gutfeld, Sequential Hermaphroditic Sidekick – Bill Schulz and Ombudsman – TV’s Andy Levy

The views in this post are entirely my own (except where I’m quoting.) Neither “Red Eye” nor Fox News endorse or support my “Red Eye” posts. I am not affiliated with the show in any way, other than being an avid fan